It's July Motherfuckers

Since my last blog entry, I have...

-bought 10 bags of cat food
-bought 10 packets of Kimono condoms
-shaved my legs 30 times
-threaded my eyebrows 3 times.

Sax showed insensitivity yesterday after the 4th of July festivities. I always tell him that he is like a little puppy dog--overly excited, ready to hump, easily distracted and on occasion has been known to piss all over the place.

But he's a sweet puppy even when his bark seems malicious.

Enough dog metaphors! Sax invited his friend Bass Player who could be good looking if he did not have salt and pepper colored hair and lived in Queens. Anyone rockin' S&P and over the age of 35 just seem so fucking old. But it's nothing that Just For Men couldn't fix.

Yummicoco to BGA: He's single. No?

BGA: No way! No S&P!

When does S&P become sexy? Did I mention that Bass Player also has a tuft S&P chest hair? I am almost positive that carpet matches.

Dominicans Suck!

In the Daily News this morning:

"While we love Baby Jessica as our own, we are reminded of this terrible mistake each and every time we look at her," the Commack couple said in documents filed in Manhattan Supreme Court. "It is simply impossible to ignore."

So, the parents claim that an upper east side fertility clinic botched the in-vitro treatment and their second child was created with the wrong jizz.

Yes, the fact that the clinic fucked up and impregnated the mother with sperm that was not from her husband was totally wrong. But it just figures that as soon as the dominican mother noticed that her daughter was darker than everyone else in the family, she immediately bought a home DNA testing kit. God forbid that her child be dark-skinned! DR has worked really hard to as my dad would say "blanchir le race". My dad partied with Trujillo's nephew when my grandfather was stationed along the Haiti/DR border. He thinks that they play their music way too loud. As a whole, we don't like DR because of their ignorance and cruelty towards Haitians. Also, they have no class.

So basically, fuck you, Dominican Republic! You can run but you can't hide from being negroes! And, you better be nice and love your browner baby, lady, because she is still your daughter and she probably got the "brown gene" from you.

On a lighter note, I love Lily Allen's Alright, Still!

You expose me. It's so obscene.

Last night, Sax stopped taking mucenex so we fucked and I went to bed.

This morning, a hip hop couple hailing from Japan stood next me. In between their Japanese tete a tete, bits of English slipped into the convo. When the gook male told his gookette to "just twrill", I giggled to myself and a small, chilly string on snot flew out of my right nostril to humble me. I wiped my nose and listened to Nelly Furtado singing "she's a maneater. you wish you never met her at all".

Its now Day 5 of "What's in My Eye?". I have no idea if its an eyelash or a piece of cotton but whatever it is--it ain't coming out.

I remember in high school, my friend Marsha had something in her eye for over a week and her shit blew up to the size of a lemon. Her big sister told me that she had a bug in her eye which was a lie but I believed her cuz I was incredibly gullible. Still to this day, I have no idea what was in her eye.

Yesterday after work, walked over to wack event. What we thought was going to be an intimate party with media friends turned out to be just a media party. Locked eyes with the lady that interviewed and then fought with me over a year ago. She stared at me bewilderingly in her dumb santa hat not sure where to place me. One of her mag minions, gave me a Devil Wears Prada cd.

It was all pretty retarded how I got it. Basically, the mag minions quizzed the crowd with questions about the Anne Hathaway bomb.

Minion: What was the name of the assistant who trained Anne Hathaway's character?

One of the girls with me: Emily!

Minion gave her a DVD

Then out of no where some other dude yelled "Emily!" then he got a DVD.

Then I yelled "Emily!" and the mag slut gave me a cd.

Yummicoco: Can I have the DVD instead?

The minion switched the gift for me. It was all very stupid.

Left quickly afterwards. Walked to Union Square with someone and got the lowdown on some other people. Made me feel better.

Bon Weekend!