Monday, March 28, 2005

Lloyd got on my fucking nerves so I dumped his ass: The Diane Court Story

So Av just inspired me to think about what happened to Diane Court and Lloyd Dobbler in London? Did they stay together? What if Lloyd, unable to find work in London, turned to underground kickboxing and started to become jealous of Diane's relationship with her classmates and professors? And did Lloyd's sister have to sell the Malibu in order to help support herself and her son since Lloyd was no longer around to help out with the rent. "I am not T.I.M " Lloyd once said...

"Dissed in the malibu" was my favorite line. I have no life.

Here's Diane testimonal. A year later.

1989 ON SET OF THE MUSIC VIDEO HIGHER GROUND by RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

So it was after the no smoking ding went off that I first thought to myself ... What the fuck am I doing with this guy? I mean he was sweet 'n all, not afraid to be vulnerable... he'd go down on me no problem. It was like, we bearly knew each other and it was really stupid of me to invite him to London. I think it was just too much too soon. I mean let's face it: I was 18, he was like the second guy that I have ever slept with so of course I thought that he was the one, and I was so fucking angry with my dad for lying to me my whole life... I had to get rid of him. I dumped him like a month after we moved into the dorms.

I mean, like, we got to the dorms and already he was like, "so, what do you want to do? you wanna get somthing to eat? " WHAT'S WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS? I don't know. I'm tired, I told him. An hour into living together and I felt crowded.

Sure, he taught me how to drive stick shift. I mean, like, he made me feel special n' shit like when he cleared that patch of glass out of my path in front of the QUIK-Y-MART. But in London, it was like, I would come home late, ass tired, hours of studying ahead of me, and he would just be lying there on my bed. My dorm room smelled like feet thanks to him. LLoyd couldn't even like find work right away so he spent the day watching MY TV in MY DORM ROOM. I was so sick of it.

Then, he told me that he met some asshole on the tube that knew of some kickboxing games going on around the city. I could care less. But when he started waking up early in the morning to kick his punching bag, INCOVENIENCING ME, I told him to fucking practice someplace else. That's when we started spending more time apart...

I went to this awesome rave in some forest outside Warsaw a couple of weeks into classes. Lloyd was broke so he stayed back at the dorms. I did so much acid that weekend, I fucking thought I had glucoma n' shit. Anyway, I met Anthony Kiedis from the Chili Peppers there. I had just bought Mother's Milk and I thought Anthony was like so fucking hot. He was so friendly, chiling at the rave in between travels. He didn't even want me to blow him or anything, just talk. Anyway, we stayed in touch. Anthony was like "yo, you betta dump that sucka for real. You too hot for him" I was like, yeah you are so right on.

Anyway, I came back home and started giving Lloyd the silent treatment hoping that he would take a hint and leave. "Is everything cool between us?" he asked. "I thought that you were gonna watch me fight [his first international match] but when you didn't show up I got worried..." WHAT A FUCKING PUSSY! GET A LIFE! Finally, he asked me if I was seeing someone from class...

Diane: Why are you accusin me n' shit. Why don't you mind your own fucking business? Yr not my father.

Lloyd: Thank God for that.

Diane: Fuck you. I'm out, bitch.

So I went downstairs to security and had them escort him out of the building. I threw his fucking clothes out the window and I bashed his fucking boom box with my curtain rod. I made that bitch cry.

27 comments:

Christie said...

I could ever date a man with the name "Lloyd".

I just think that's advice EVERYONE should follow. Something with that name just SCREAMS "Fucking asshat".

yummicoco said...

yeah, agreed. the name Lloyd is not sexy at all. Asshat is also not a sexy name. "fuckhead" is hotter.

Planet B said...

I actually had a Lloyd Dobler moment a couple years ago. I was starting to hang out with this girl and, before anything even happened, SHE GAVE ME A PEN (it was a cool Lego pen, but still).

"I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen."

I quit calling her soon after that.

yummicoco said...

wait, so she gave you a pen cuz she liked you! so technically SHE gave you HER HEART and HER PEN and you dissed her because you were not that into her.

ump.

...but come to think of it, what if she just wanted to lend you a pen. perhaps you needed something to write with?

Anna (lucky luciano) has a cool link to an online purity test. I got a 62.6. check it out.

Av said...

I want a girl with a smooth liquidation
I want a girl with good dividends
And at the city bank we will meet accidentally
We'll start to talk when she borrows my pen

Anonymous said...

i get it now!!! - ccstar

yummicoco said...

yeah, I should have written Say Anything but that would require me to be clear which I don't know how to be.

Dig the freestyle, Av

I can't freestyle. I knew this black waiter guy that told this white bartender girl that he didn't know how to rap.

"really?" she was shocked.

Av said...

Sorry, but that ain't a freestyle.
part of Cake's I want a girl with short skirt, and a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng jacket.

Alex Blagg said...

i AM lloyd dobler.

yummicoco said...

are you still kickboxing?

AlexisT said...

Yeah, are you still kicking that box?

yummicoco said...

hee hee... box... hee hee

I introduced Sax to a few friends last night. I was nervous at first but it turned out well. can't wait for you to meet him, lex.

AlexisT said...

I love SAX! I love all my friend's significant others!

Anna said...

Not to change to subject from Sax, but I think Lloyd was too good for Diane. She was a huge loser before he was kind enough to take her to her first party. She owes him big time.

yummicoco said...

yeah, she was a total social dud in HS but Lloyd had nothing to offer her once they got out into the real world. I just don't think that they were meant to be. does that mean that I am dead on the inside?

listened to moving units all weekend.

Christopher A said...

yummicoco,

I just wanted to stop by and thank you. I went to that webpage.

www.datealittle.com

I found the true love of my life. It was love at first sight. Well.. it was when I laid down on the floor.
Yeah, I know im 6'4 and she is only 3'1, but that doesnt matter to us! Everytime I need a little something, something, anywhere I just slip her in my pocket. She is like my pocket... friend?

THANK YUMMICOCO!
your my hero
Midget sex rocks!

yummicoco said...

midget sex does rock, chris A! God bless the lovely couple.

thanks to knuckles m. for the link.

Anonymous said...

who met anthony kiedis? are you shitting me? what do you mean you stayed in touch? are you for real?? yeah he's fucking hot.

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