Monday, February 14, 2005

Big Sticky Tits on a Future Housewife

The story begins with our naked heroine descending upon a secluded beach on some grey-lit afternoon. She wades in the water, her floppy tits flip flopping happily...then she sees a stranger walking along the shore. Lucky for them, they are alone and he is naked too.

Colette: He's kind of small.

Brazilian Muse: Yeah, the thing about porn is that it ruined penises for women. They expect them to be big.

Quickly, Plastic Eve meets Small but Everlasting Adam. They cordially shake hands as if they really care about being polite and then they begin to fuck in the sand. At this point, I am sitting at the bar at LAVA GINA with Matt the publicist and the Brazilian Muse wondering how one can become evil.

Brazilian Muse: She's so cute and innocent... how can someone be evil?... just think about any of the guys that you've gone out with and do what they do...

That was last night at Nichelle's Sex Toys Valentine's Day Party at Lava Gina. Lingerie, vibrators and cupcakes, oh my! Lingerie, vibrators and cupcakes, oh my! RKB offered lots of porn including BIG STICKY TITS which the owner of the bar promptly popped into the DVD player for our viewing pleasuer.

Colette: You know what I liked most about BIG STICKY TITS (to Jenny and Matt the P on our walk over to the F-train) is the fact that the lady (plastic eve) worked the man from the bottom to the top. So many women start with the head... I really appreciated that.

Jenny: That's like the tenth time you've said the name.

Colette: What? BIG STICKY TITS?

Saturday, played spin the bottle with 10 strangers and my roommate in a small room at the Royal Oak in Williamsburg. I was mighty proud of myself...

Friday, ate Cuban at HAVANA with cousin and her girlfriends and another cousin- by- marriage. Then we went to a near-by psychic who predicted that in the future I will become a housewife.

Psychic: You hate working and you will come to a point in your life when you will decide not to work.

So basically, I will pop out some babies, live off my husbands earnings, and go shopping. Hope he doesn't leave me for a younger woman or else I am fucked.

Now I have run to meet Lex for lunch. Kamut pasta with tomatoes and an apple (macintosh of course) for dessert. We bagged our lunches today. She asked me to get her a diet 7up on my way over to her job.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

9 comments:

alizinha said...

cupcakes and porn. what more do you need in life?

yummicoco said...

that's right. and now I know how to fist too!

JR Publicist said...

There's actually a survey you can take to see what level of Hell that you'll be in when you die. Not surprisingly, I found it on a blog. Also not surprisingly, I'm going straight to the bottom

yummicoco said...

Matt the Publicist?!

No, I think that if we ask God for forgiveness, we will be allowed into Heaven. Its all about accountability.

my first porn was taboo 12 (misty rain) which sucked so Pickle and I exchanged it for Priceless (Jenna Jameson and Peter North)- much better quality and better storyline. I was so ashamed to buy porn. We bought it from Tower Records (before it became Virgin- how funny) on the corner of Mass Ave and Newbury in Boston. I wrapped my face with a scarf- I looked like a mistress to the sultan of brunai. is that how you spell brunai?

JR Publicist said...

Yep, JR Publicist is me, Matt.

Anonymous said...

yay, matt the p!
-yummicoco

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