Friday, November 12, 2004

The World's a mess; It's in my kiss...or coco

I can't stop playing with my hair at my desk. Thank you VO5 hot oil! Anyway, I read a really cool article from the NY FREE PRESS yesterday about a sexy cad and it got me to thinking... If all vaginas are the same, what distinguishes us from the millions of other vaginas? And is it worth it to try to distinguish yourself (i.e perfecting blow jobs-which I REFUSE to do btw) if you are only one of many?

In the article, "The Cheating Art", Lucius Allred writes: The vagina is a wonderful thing. Some are better than others, but most are fairly spectacular. But none is so good that it made me forget there are more than three billion other vaginas out there. Women wield considerable power over men due to the fact that we crave their pussies. But the surest way to short-circuit this power is to remind women that their li'l fishy isn't the only one in the ocean.

Labour Day, I had sex with this dude at a mutual friends' house. Neither of us lived there. It happened on the couch while we (???) thought that everyone was asleep in their rooms. I kept my shirt on the whole time. I liked him but I knew that he was full of shit. We fucked and then I left him there in the living room dripping in his sweat. I wanted to forget about NoNOb. I felt powerful and used all at the same time.

When I got to the apt that morning, everyone(the people that lived there, me and the dude) was watching tv and I noticed that the dude had glitter on his face which I of course called to his attention. "Oh I wonder where that came from?" he muttered.

Colette's Brain:FROM THE OTHER GIRL THAT YOU HOOKED UP WITH AT THE MOTHERFUCKER PARTY, YOU ASSHOLE!!!

***MY ONLY TALK WITH MOM***

When I was about 12, I received a package of "feminine moisture" in the mail. No clue why. Anyway, I threw it in my closet and forgot about it.

A month later, I came home from school to find my brother and father painting my room the ugliest color beige. My closet was open.

Maybe a week passed at this point, I was watching some lame family programming like Blossom or something in the living room. My mother was quietly laying out on the couch and I was sitting in the arm chair. She got up as if she was about to go off to bed but then she stopped. She just stood there.

MOM: (no eye contact) Colette, I am only going to say this once...Don't ever put anything in your...va--gy--na. (the last word she mouthed softly)

My mouth dropped. What the fuck was she talking about? Blossom didn't just stick anything into her vagina. Did she?

MOM: (she puts her hands up) That is all. I don't want to say anything more. I am going to bed. Good night.

***HAPPY FRIDAY***

Its raining today. I am wearing my pink rubber boots.


13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I refuse to believe that every vagina is the same!!!

YUMMICOCO said...

the writer seems to think so. I have no clue. why do men sleep around then?

Anonymous said...

well the "feeling" of vaginas is all the pretty much the same.

it's the smell and look that set them apart.

YUMMICOCO said...

well I guess the writer meant "feeling" then. still doesn't answer why men sleep around... and if the feeling is the same, should women attempt to differentiate themselves with signature moves? it is even worth it? should we just lie there until its over because the feeling is the same? but then again that is no fun for the women. whatever. no one communicates...I'd rather be alone.

Anonymous said...

"li'l fishy" has to be the funniest nick name for a vag.

And Yummi, girl you know better. You should never ever, just "lie there."

AlexisT.com

Anonymous said...

Don't Asian women have sideways vaginas?

Dave

YUMMICOCO said...

Dave!!!
No clue but I am sure that it makes oral sex pretty fun.

Avram Polinsky said...

I've heard the same thing Dave.
Maybe I just haven't seen enough of them, but I get excited and fascinated by every one. A past girlfriend caught me staring and admiring her's one time.
Sure there are 3 billion out there, but I don't have one. That makes every one I see (or better yet taste) special and unique.
They are so neat and amazing, yet I know so little about them. For all I know, there are little elves in there that makes it so magical.
You could say that all Krispy Kreme doughnuts are the same. That doesn't mean that each and every one isn't deserving admiration.

YUMMICOCO said...

av, you are so sweet like a krispy kreme donut. aren't chicks in maryland easy?

Avram Polinsky said...

The girls in MD are easy?
Why don't you introduce me to some of them?

It's hard to say if the MD girls aren't easy, or maybe I'm just difficult.
After getting my share of fake numbers or no callbacks, maybe I've got some trust issues. There's no way I'd trust a girl I just met to sleep with her. On the other hand, I'd most certainly mess around or make out or whatever, but I rarely get the chance to because I don't tend to put myself out like that. Also, I'm guessing that most of the easy girls want more than just the free sample I'm willing to give; they want the whole scoop.

Most of my friends, guys and girls, don't score very often. Baltimore and DC both have reputations for bad drugs, HIV and other STDs. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it, but it seems to me like many people aren't as likely to put themselves out there like that.

YUMMICOCO said...

yeah. when its right, its right I guess, av. we should all get cats or something. my friend wants to buy a cockerpoo (half cocker spaniel half poodle). but I think dogs require too much care.

Anonymous said...

I don't get why you kept the shirt on. Why do girls do that? My guess is that they really want me to notice and adore their hip t-shirts, but when it is all a girl is wearing, a five cent mustache ride shirt makes me rethink things.

Knuckles Molonely

YUMMICOCO said...

I kept my shirt on because I was not at home and because "screw him, I do what I wanna do". I also tried to cover my face with my t-shirt in case I was being videotaped because I am just that insane.