Leave the white for your wedding day, ladies. No one thinks you’re a virgin.

Ah, dear reader, this year is starting out to be hysterical! And when I say “hysterical”, I mean the literal translation of “acting like a uterus”. Young girls dating Joe Frances and lying about appendectomies---some even desperately trying to sell pics of their new white trash babies to tabloids in order to fund bahamaventions.

Read this bit about Brit Brit from the Post this morning. Reading the blurb made think that maybe this chick is going to found dead in a some shitty motel a la Sharon Stone in Casino in less than 5 months. As a fellow hysterical bitch, I must say that I am scared for her.

She seems destined for something horrific:

January 16, 2007 -- BRITNEY Spears is done with guys who chew tobacco and has moved on to men who carry peanut butter. Photo agency X17 captured her new man, Isaac Cohen, covered in some nasty sludge while spinning down Mulholland Drive in L.A. The agency's Web site reports the two were "driving through the hills, twisting and turning" when Cohen pulled over Spears' car and "removed his white shirt and used it to cover the bulk of the vomit." But Spears' bodyguard claimed the mess wasn't vomit, just peanut butter. X17 also has Cohen on tape stating, "It was some peanut butter that broke in my pocket, and you guys have the jar."

You know what the root to their hysteria is?

Dairy.

Yes, dear reader, I too have jumped into deep hysteria but instead of the crazy vagina pool, I have fallen into the lake of self-righteousness, renouncing meat, dairy and fish, officially becoming what I truly hate... A neo-soul VEGAN, naturally nappy-haired brooklynite with a jazz musician boyfriend. Anna Nicole or Britney, please sit on my face now! Your fetid essences will surely put me out of my smuggery.

But if I’m not ingesting dairy, then what’s my problem?

Its that I despretely love “I love New York”.



THIS WEEKEND AT BOWIE BALL

Master of Ceremonies: oh, its nice to see some titties on stage! We were just talking about pussy earlier...

KKEGEL: This is my favorite Roxy Music song! What’s yours?

yummicoco: Both Ends Burning. (We laugh because its so disco-y)

The movie The Hunger was playing in the BG and the glam rock did not stop.

Decked out in my white satin ABS gown from my Junior prom, double strand pearl necklace and matted brown mullet wig, I was molested by men who I later realized were women and an obvious fag rubbed my ass probably thinking that I was a man.

Then I danced with a Chinese version of Boys Don’t Cry and admired a tranny with the most unusual bust. They looked my two pods cut out from an egg crate and glued to the inside of a Danskin leotard.

JB: I think its a boob suit.

yummicoco: Yeah.