You Know What That Means? Fecal Matter.

1) A bartender at Socialista contracted a raging case of Hepatitis A, potentially infecting many of the famous customers who frequent the restaurant.

2) J.Lo pooped out twins yesterday in Long Island.

3) Sam Lufti has been ordered to keep 250 yards of Britney Spears at all times.

4) Baird Jones, the Webster Hall art curator and freelance gossip columnist for the Daily News and Post, was found dead in his apartment of natural causes. Shit, I used go to his parties with my Jersey crew years ago.

What his recorded hotline used to sound like: "Tonight, we have five terrific parties...you'll see me in the back wearing my Yankees cap."

5) Hills couldn't knock it out of the box at yesterday's debate. I still think that she would make an excellent secretary of state.

Obama/Edwards 2009 all the way.