See, I'm not a whore but I lack passion

Before my boyfriend left for Los Angeles, he played the flute for me in his whisper room. My hand under his shirt, palm resting on his chest, I thought to myself "wow, he has interests. what are my interests?" He can play instruments and I have absolutely no skills. We said our goodbyes by the L train entrance. Got home. Looked at my face in the bathroom mirror...

Colette: Fuck, why is my nose so red?!

That was Thursday afternoon. At first, I thought that the redness was as a result of Sax's beard scatching against my face as we made out; but as the day wore on, the shit got more red and more gross... Hung out with Lex and crew at FIXED. They all have great things going on for them now and I am so excited for them blah blah blah no pity coco.

My cousin suggested benedryl for my face when she came to visit me friday night. I showed her a picture of Sax and she did not respond with "ump..." which sounds like a grunt but its not. Its the Haitian expression of judgement. She thought that he was cute which made me happy even though it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks! Whatever.

Anyway, for the days that followed my shoulders and neck began to sprout red blisters. Then by Saturday, I found another one on my stomach. "I hope its not a skin eruption." my father said as I lay sobbing in bed saturday morning.

Was it leprosy? Shingles? No clue. So I ran home to Englewood to see my mom's Internist.

Listening to SUPERUNKNOWN by Soundgarden in my old bedroom brought me back to a time when I actually had passion about something! When I was once excited about art and music! I loved film up until recently... I work at a film company now. Anyway, I was 14 when the album dropped and I waited until I was on a school trip in Europe to buy it because the import had the song "She likes Surprises" on the LP. "Limo Wreck" played as my dad rushed into my room to tell me that my mom's doctor was ready to see me at Englewood Hospital.

The whole experience was really awkward. Perhaps it was wrong of me to let a family friend look me over. "New partner?" she asked after I told her that I was sexually active. Then the 50+ year old doctor actually giggled when she asked me if I "checked my genitals" for spots. Highly unprofessional, Dear Reader. A good doctor never judges.

Colette: yes and there was nothing there.

So she prescribed an anti-viral. As my father and I sat in the car, waiting for my presciption to be filled, he started up with how in all of his years as a doctor, he never once prescribed an anti-viral for a virus. "Its self- limited. You should wait a couple of days before taking that medication." I sat quietly... then he decided to change the subject...

Dad: So your friend [my baddest bitch] is in medical school? You never wanted to study anything... accounting, medicine, law...

Colette: Dad, I am really upset right now. I really don't want to talk about this... the future. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Dad: ump.

KKEGEL thought it was a some kind of Herpes simplex (fever blister) flair up from stress. I had a fever blister on lip last week that had trouble healing on account of me making out with my boyfriend. My Baddest Bitch looked up my aliment online Saturday night...

My Baddest Bitch: possible triggers may include stress, food allergy and rigorous sex.

Colette: really?

MBB: yeah, that's what you get for having sex all night long.

Colette: wow, you'll make a great doctor. you don't judge anyone...

So that was it. Now, I am back at work. Skin is less red now but I am going to have it tested so as to rule out diabetes or something.