And we're all made out of ticky tacky and we all look just the same

Happy New Year!

Jamin' on the one

This is dedicated to Sax who fucking brought it to Barbes tonight. He was awesome.



Then here's another hit by the debonair Martin Fry and his band ABC

Searching for Tom Toppers 2007

Is Bonnie Fuller looking for gay men that have fucked creepy crusader Tom Cruise in her recent Huff Po blog post?

Unfortunately, no. Fuller looks back at 2007 to determine which celebs brought the ruckus so badly this year that they possibly topped Tom's Oprah couch jumping antics.

But what about yummicoco?



In early December at my former job's holiday party at Spotlight Live, I was seen getting up for the second time with one of my former interns, Intern Boy, to perform "Melt with You" by Modern English--one of the greatest songs of all time that was the music for one of the best montage moments in one of the greatest film of all time, Valley Girl.

Moment of silence for Valley Girl:


Back to holiday party:

Sporting hot pink suede ankle boots, black satin cigarette dress and blasted from way too much champagne, intern boy and I ambled onto the stage for what would be a memorable performance.

yummicoco (to the audience): we are going to sing this with British accents.

intern boy (seriously perplexed): wait, what?

yummicoco: let's do this

I proceed to sing the song with a British accent (because that song is meant to be sung with an affected British accent. go big or go home) and people looked away until I was finally done.

Earlier, I performed with 4 other former co-workers, singing the song "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics.




During instrumental moments, I hyped up the crowd by chanting the names of my co-workers and each one danced in front of the crowd.

yummicoco: Gay Ad Sales Guy, Gay Ad Sales Guy, Gay Ad Sales Guy

I thought it was great and I got mad props when I left the stage.

Which was why I was open to performing with Intern Boy--even though I should have listened to Mystery, the pick-up artist's advice and just left it alone once I reached "comfort level".

Whatever. As Nicholas Cage in Valley Girl would say "Fuck it".

Ultimate favorite scene in Valley Girl is when Nicholas Cage and his punk rock friend, Fred, crash the valley party and Cage makes googly eyes with Julie, the ultimate valley girl. All set to the song "Eyes of a Stranger" by the Payolas. Genius.

Favorite Song of the Week

just wait for it, martin's rap is awesome

John, back to you.

Went to an oral surgeon yesterday to discuss the removal of my wisdom teeth but the conversation quickly veered into my jaw misalignment.



Should I let the good doctor break open my mouth to remove my jaw and as he said "scoot it over" to the right place?

yummicoco: sounds pretty gruesome.

good doctor: it's just bone.

I love new york

So I am writing to you direct from my new desk at my new job where I get to write and edit and feel self-conscious that no one has ever heard of where I work.

Was supposed to go to Comix's holiday party but skipped it to watch I Love New York instead. Pretty uneventful but I was pleased that NY (aka Tiffany Pollard) opted for the skinny, sticky-faced Tailor Made (aka George Weisgerber) instead of assholeio Buddha.

As I treated myself to blueberry pancakes at Andrew's Coffee Shop this morning, I read TM's exclusive (!) with NY Post. Turns out that TM's swept her off her feet all the way to Queens! No matter what she does, she still has horrible taste in men--or at the very least has bad taste in men who also have bad taste.

"I think the best thing to say is that Tiffany and I don't necessarily follow the rules," Weisgerber told The Post.

Duh.

Pollard moved in with Weisgerber and his 12-year-old daughter Asia shortly after taping for the show was completed last summer.

"They're like peas in a pod," Weisgerber says of his daughter and Pollard. "They've become very close and like to team up and make fun of me."

Whatever, they will be over by the reunion special.




Anyway, cried like a wuss on Friday as I was getting ready to leave my previous job. I even cried into the arms of the business online director and felt incredibly foolish when she told me "don't cry". It reminded me of when I used to overhear her conversations with her 2 year old daughter who was desperately waiting for her to come home from work. Sometimes it's better to go out like a champ.

Anyway, I went by my old office very early this morning to drop off my ID and some paperwork (which I could not do on account of all my silly blubbering) and realized that I was going to be ok and that I was over it.



I'm excited.

Drop it like it's hot

Go see No Country for Old Men! That movie fucked me up last night. Dumbfounded and numb, I sat with Sean at Fez last night, nibbling from my meza platter, feeling less and less hopeful for humanity as we attempted to discuss what we had just seen.



Yummicoco: Like, Javier Bardem was like the grim reaper.

Sax: yeah


Before that I was on a plane returning to New York from Miami.





My cousin SH got married on Saturday but the night belonged to my other cousin CJP who is getting married in July. Drunk off 4 glasses of pinot griot, she dropped it like it was hot in front of her dad and the videographer and asked a spinster aunt if she was ever going to use her vagina.

spinster aunt: Je ne voulais pas.

Then when SH made her way over our table to thank us for attending, CJP made this comment betwixt their embrace.

CJP: he's gonna bang you SO hard tonight.

Good times!


But even dorky boys know how to drop it like it's hot:

I thought I should bring dessert...

So I am leaving my current job. I cried when I quit. I cried for hours afterwards. Lex told me that it was a part of growing up... fabulously of course.

I'm an asshole. So much so that I even showed an acquaintance my clipbook at a bar on Friday night because I was so super pumped.

But whenever I am feeling low, I plan to say the following words 3 times out loud.

Yummicoco: "cupcake contacts"


It's funny how NYC has been decimated by these mini-diabetes-inducing cakes--and now like politics and religion, cupcakes have become divisive.



Sax: ah man, I'd split you some sugar sweet if you wanna go.

Yummicoco: no!

We bought a bar of 85% dark chocolate instead.







Going to Miami tomorrow for a wedding.

When BGA asked me what hotel I was going to for the weekend, I shuttered.

Yummicoco: I don't know, Holiday Inn.

Is it more embarrassing to stay at econo-friendly lodging than to boast contacts and clipbooks?

Either way, I am an asshole...fabulously of course!