don't look, he's half a millionarie!

Emily J had the best sequel to a rooftop party since Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK from one. Or did he do it from a top storied apartment?

Who cares about history, we all got drunk, ate pretzels and danced!

Saw a guy that I mistook for a self hating black man that I encountered at Poop's ("that's Bob to you, motherfucker!") party months earlier. Turned out the guy was neither self hating nor black.

yummicoco: aren't you the guy that hates black people?

Wrong guy: No, I don't hate black people but I know a lot who do... I'm Indian.

Sax and I found out that the "wrong guy" grew up in a small town in West Virginia where he and his brother were referred to Sandnigger 1 and Sandnigger 2. Our wrong guy was #1.

Trumpet friend of Sax: Well, at least he's number 1.

Art made Alexis vomit at PS1 and Music made me get into an argument with Sax at Union Hall.

Yummicoco: "Guero" sucks! You have the worst taste in Rock music.

But money prevailed this weekend as Sax and I were swimming in it after we cleaned/ransacked my parents house with my sister.

Who the fuck is Genevieve Jones!?!?!

Let's just take the colon out then its good.

The building super from my last job lives in my neighborhood and hangs out at the OTB which is directly next to my apartment. He is a puerto rican, probably went to jail and likes to ogle my butt whenever I walk past him.

He informed me yesterday that the guy who replaced me just left.

"no one stays there long, huh?"

"um yeah, he's a good boss but its a lot of work"

Then the old building super asked me where I currently worked and I got scared because I really don't need a stalker at this point in my life so I told him that I had to run.

That was the best diplomatic answer that I could give without giving away how unbelievably unhappy I was there.

I hated all of them. They thought I was weird. I thought that they were egotistical and mean.

I needed a medium where my weirdness came off as quirkyness. I was totally out of place there.

The guy that replaced me was named something South Asian but they "anglo-fied" his name to something like Paul.

I am sure that he hated them for that. He smelled like shit anyway.

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Torturious Tasks for a Junior Publicist/Office Manager/Internship Supervisor/Executive Assistant

-Forced to supervise a group of 14 snotty spoiled interns by my third day having had no prior leadership experience and having poor direction from my boss.

"um, do you have a blog called YUMMICOCO?" asked one of the snots after having blogged about a party in which I divulged secret stupid info about the snots and a publicist who plagerizes.

-Forced to supervise the publicists who had no respect for my boss having had no experience as a publicist which in turn made them not respect me.

"respect is earned" I was told.

-Forced to rat out publicists over the phone to my boss who was at Soho House or at a television shoot in front of the publicists.

-Forced to track down Dolph Lundgren to invite him to a party.

"um, does so and so still represent Dolph Lundgren. We would like to invite him to an all expense paid trip to Toronto."

I ran into a former intern snot- turned- hired junior publicist- turned fired incompetent.

She's fat fag hag with good fashion sense that had the nerve to ask me for my business card this past Friday in Hell's Kitchen.

"look me up" i replied

Bitch.

My boss was a devil that drove a vespa but he wasn't all that bad. I survived. I learned a lot. I got the fuck out of there and landed a better job.

I wish you would have told me that: Good! Then were on the same page

Weekend cut up into quotes

Friday:

"we need some naked men"
"hi, I'm from____do I have to pay for this?"
"what do you do in the cAURts?"

--the long island man meant courts.

Saturday:
"I'll have the lumberjack"
"ole!"
"we should do this again"

Sunday
"you know, our family has dark skinned people too"
"pit bulls?"
"I wanna watch deadwood when we get back"

go see noche flamanca if you can and wear sunscreen.

To play and a chance to win

Toby Young's book party at the Soho House library found itself embroiled in a messy fight between a gossip and a writer named Doug.

While that was happening, I was watching a double feature of "Wassup Rockers" and "Who Killed the Electric Car?".

Summer movie counter programming has never been this good...

"Wassup" sucked but I loved the dirty brown boys and I loved when JDix (she played a rick beverly hills drunk) electrocuted herself.
Plus, the boys could bearly utter an intelligible sentence and they obviously were aware that a camera was pointed at them on account of their stiff delivery and occasional gaze to Larry Clark. Clark, who must be into kittie porn, shot them in really provacative angles that even made me lust after a couple of those little boys.

Going back to Toby Young, who I think is famous for stories about himself, is probably going to have a good Bastille Day.

What will I be doing this weekend?

Going to my italian cousin's bachalorette on Friday and then her wedding on Sunday. I am slightly excited since her friends and new family will see me and know that she is actually black.

This weekend, I am cracking her da vinci code.

Oh, so "who killed the electirc car?"

Yo Momma or was it Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie or Marianne Pearl?

What the fuck is Plan B (Brad and Jen's production company) doing casting a white actress to play Daniel Pearl's wife Marianne? Its said that Jen A. had the role but now that Angie had BPitt's baby, she is taking over the character. All the gossips are gossiping about Angie's theving from Jen but why aren't they acknowleging the fact that they are fighting over a role that is more meant for Thandie Newton, Halle Berry (don't think she could pull it off) or maybe even Yummicoco than one of those stringy haired bithches.

"I am delighted that Angelina Jolie will be playing my role in the adaptation of my book," Marianne Pearl said yesterday. "I deeply admire her work and what she is committed to."

What?

Does a long lost relative need to come to an event you are having, Marianne, to crack your da vinci code?

Plan B gets the gas face... Marianne Pearl gets the gas face! But Angelina does not because great and Red Buttons gets a tip of the hat because he died today at 87!

Have a good weekend.

"Slur" is no longer a slur?: Bloddy hell!

Briefly skimmed through the "slut" article in the NY Times. STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM asserts, "Like “queer” and “pimp” before it, the word slut seems to be moving away from its meaning as a slur. Or is it?"

Slurs like "nigger" and "slut" might seem to evolve into terms of endearment but they are still demeaning just the same and they do not empower anyone.

But what about my heroines of the porn world or my rapper heros who wear their gun shot wounds like badges of honor?

I am torn.

Also, noticed the Times promoting the hell out of "Classic" Maureen Dowd columns so I decided to post this old ditty that I never published about a one night stand two summers ago with a dude that was not that into me.


Tuesday, August 17, 2004
"I've never done anything by halves" -Coco Chanel
Too bad Coco did not know that coco means pussy in haitian creole. I am yummicoco, of course. So its now August 15th, after midnight. We were cuddling on the couch. Some [South Asian] practically had my pants off as he was stroking my back and playing with the strap of my underware. He feels my pelvic bone. "what's this? I must find all the imperfections on your body."

When I was in the car with Long Island gal pal and gay beta male John. She put on the strokes' 2nd album. "wait, when [a friend] was volunteering in the mid-west, she hooked with some guy in her dorm room. She did a striptease and sang this song to him..." I advanced the disc to track 8

.....I don't wanna waste your time.....I don't wanna waste your time....we are under control...out of control.

We all crack up. [friend] is hilarous.

Anyway, back in my yellow room. I put in ziggy stardust as initial make out music. not the best choice but I love "soul love". [South Asian] and Bowie don't fit. We were in my room. He asked me to put my cats in the living room. I only found Jackie at this point. I closed the door, turned off the light and climbed on top of him. I gave him a kiss on the cheek (signature move) and then we started.

He takes off my shirt. He loves to feel my butt. He is trying to touch me so much that finally i confess to having my period. A girlfriend of mine always said that having sex on your period is the bomb and that for a guy to do it with you on your period means that he really likes you...

*******************************************************
Anyway, yes that's gross but it does relive cramps!

Meatballs and Kamut Pasta! What a sneeky thing to do!

Things I have learned since last blogging:

Carla Bozulich called me about her shows this weekend. I was star struck but I tried to play it cool.

I ate three cupcakes while watching A Scanner Darkly.

Robert Downey Jr and Woody Harrlson are cooler than Keanu.

Meatballs are incredibly easy to make.

Fireworks can be created to explode in fun shapes and colors like red circles, happy faces and stars!

How can one stop being lame?

Just by being lame. It is a self limited illness that usually corrects in a few days depending how lame one gets.

I think I am about to get deeper into lame-hood for a while.