Friday, April 28, 2006

Chipped Red Fingernails

I've slipped! I bought a Nestle crunch bar after almost 5 years of sobriety.

Fun size chocolates don't count.

I also did not tip my now un-favorite lunch spot today on account of bad service.

My week long love affaire with this Thai place was born out of their awesomely sweet duck soup with your choice of any noodle and thai iced tea.

MY NOODLE OF CHOICE?

Chow fun

But why the fuck do they always give me egg noodle?

yummicoco: E'cuse me I ordered chow fun, this is egg noodle.

For the past week, I have been a faithful patron but now its over.

THIS JUST IN

Newman's Own cookies are on sale for $2.99 at C-Town!

SNORE!!!

Sax' sleep apnea reached its annoying peak last night. Tossing and turning from all the mouth-nose sounds, I moved to the couch around 2am. Then after getting non-stopped harrassed by my cats in the living room, I told Sax that I was leaving.

yummicoco(crying): I can't sleep here!

Sax: Don't leave baby, just come to bed.

So, we went for a walk and then went to bed in our bed.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Strange things a foot at the circle K

yummicoco: "Do my feet smell?"

I stuck my foot in Sax's face asking this as we watched the Colbert Report. His friend Issac hid his disgust in true elitest class style by pretending not to hear.

Sax: yes, get them out of my face!

My feet did stink really bad from wearing my red 'roos all day all night, chomping on nestle crunch and getting drunk with Lex and company at the Nerve party.

"This is the best party of the week" says Lex as she pulls up her underware after tinkling. I was standing guard attempting to discuss bidd-ness with KKEGEL. I couldn't hear. I couldn't really talk either from all the vodka and ojs.

DUMPSTER DIVERS

So Lex told me that they call people who pillage the "free bin" at work "dumpster divers"

I, reader, am a dumpster diver and a damn good one at that!

I have given away Coach picture frames (Page Six party!), coffee table art books, chocolate, cds, dvds and assorted designer crap (thanks last job!).

If there are 100 un-supervised gifts bags laying around- best believe I am taking 5 (thanks last years Bust party--Sax's dad loved the "Mullet" Car Wash/Shower Gel).

Yesterday, I took more than one book and I did the same thing at Tuesday's event plus swiped more than one smoking pig toy.

As Kristen Dunst once said to Tom Cruise after tasting fresh blood "I want some more!"

Speaking of fresh blood... I told Ned Vizzini that instead of plastic surgery, I will most likely opt for sucking the blood from unborn fetuses.

Hope that starts turning up in gift bags.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

tuesday!!!

hi,

so was one of the many losers to buy stock from the hipper delia's- like promo thing yesterday.

Bought a necklace with golden swans and earring studs shaped like skulls.

going to a book launch thing with lex.

Its Spring!!!

Monday, April 24, 2006

Thanks!

I can not stop eating the delicious coffee candy chews that my co-worker brought back with her from her trip to Costa Rica.

Lately, I have been feeling like a big bore or maybe I am mad or depressed or hungry.

I am not even in touch with my feelings! What the hell is wrong with me? I am living in atrophy but still growing old in the process. I am not making any sense.

Saw Labyrinth of Passion on Saturday. Such a great fucking movie! Almodovar just makes me want to pack my bags and move to Madrid. But when I think about it, will Madrid be as colorful and vibrant there as he depicts? Would I have to live with him just to have that kind of fun? WIll I be able to find a job there? Will they provide healthcare? Will I find a good grocery store that will supply all my favorites like Dr. Bronner's Castille Soap, Aubrey's Organic Conditioner and Morningstar's fake Buffalo Wings? With the sunny weather irritate my skin? Will Almodovar think I'm boring? Does he feel just as bored/mad/hungry/depressed as I do because he is older and doesn't know what he cares about anymore?

Going to watch The Last Dragon when I get home from a work party.

Every girl my age is getting married and having babies! "Please stop! Stop it right now!" There is a weekend in July where I will have to drive to Boston for a Saturday wedding and then I have to turn back around to head to another one in upstate NY the very next day. Its like they are casualites of war or something! This will all take place just two weeks after my birthday--a year that will mark my last year as a mid twenties girl.

I need more time.


BLONDE JOKE!!!

What does a blonde say after sex???
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Thanks Guys!!!

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Are you guys going downstairs?

TOP TEN THINGS I HATE

1) Tap dancing

2) People pulling and rubbing my ears

3) rats (saw a big one running into NYU law on my way to Olive Tree Cafe last night)

4) anything canned

5) anything pickled

6) jazz musicians in my apartment

7) lying

7) Sofia Coppola

8) being wrong

9) publicist

10) neo-soul conscience people from brooklyn

Friday, April 21, 2006

Frederick Douglass is the King of Spades.

Yesterday at the biggest Jam Band Extravaganza (why was I there? show was meant as a play on the Grammys. I sat, legs crossed as if I was watching a lecture but not taking notes) my old college roommate phoned my cell just as Zappa plays Zappa started to jam...

Old Roomie: Thanks so much for telling me to buy that test!

(she wanted to wait until she saw the gyno two weeks from now because she did not want to pay for co-pay + at home test. she's not poor, people, she's a big cheapo)

Yummicoco: Great! so what did you find out?

Old Roomie: I'm pregnant!

Then my sprint phone cuts out and dies.

Anyway, she's getting married in June. I left a message on her cell today in an attempt to negotiate her wedding plans so that they may fit into my schedule.

Sax: Shit, yr like a terrible person.

I was surprisingly impressed with Dweezil Zappa. He really did a great job putting together the tribute band to his dad. I remember peeking through a copy of Playgirl with ccstar when we were like eleven to get a peek of Dweeze and his hot brother Ahmet.

Sax was transfixed the whole night. We left the show just after Zappa because there was no fucking way that I was going to stay to watch more and more jam bands until 12midnight.

Yummicoco: there is no fucking way I'm staying here until midnight.

Sax: Well, fuck it. At least we saw Chick Corea and Zappa. Wait, who else is playing? (he quickly scoures the playbill for the show line-up)

He searches that sucker feverishly as I zip up my hoodie, ready to get the hell out of there. He wants to stay.

Yummicoco: I dunno (did not say "I don't care" because I didn't care and plus I was feeling PMSy and swollen)

As we exit, run into co-worker. Attempted to introduce Sax to co-worker but he was still nose deep into playbill searching for the band line-up. He wanted to find a reason to beg me to turn back.

He was that happy.

Turned out we only missed Peter Frampton.

I guess my exective decision did not affect his overall happiness.

On Easter Sunday, while playing PoKeNo with African American Heritege playing cards...

ccstar (calling out cards): Frederick Douglass is the King of Spades

Sax starts cracking up "That's so racist!"

I laugh cuz its funny. ccstar does not for fear that her cousin's boyfriend is finally revealing himself as a racist.

Then ccstar calls out next card "Harriet Tubman is the Queen of Spades".

We laughed but Sax found it the most funniest of all three of us.

Then I remembered how in college my good Chinese girlfriend was telling another good friend and I about a cool Chinese place that served a great dinner.

I can not remember the name but it had "fuck" somewhere in it and my other good friend laughed and laughed some more.

My Chinese friend didn't get it.

I held in my laughter because I keep my ignorance to myself and express it in awkward moments.

Getting ready to go home. Have to call friend to convince her to get married on the day that I am most available.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Like M&Ms Flying Out of a Trannie's Ass

Me and my fat ass broke a table at Happy Ending last night at the RKBs Flesh Reading Series. Sitting on the small club table most of the night, I leaned over to grab my shopping bag as I started to prepare for the train ride home. The pink formica top ripped off at the base and my legs went flying up in the air. Everyone watched in silence- perhaps there was laughter since I was laughing or perhaps there was confusion because I yelled out "On that note...". Ah! I made a hand motion "to proceed with the reading" to the lady writer standing at the podium. She resumed. I reddened, smiled and then wedged myself in between some girl and Matthew the Publicist and watched the rest of the show.

Stories about fisting a best girl friend while gossiping about people, smelly rancid tampons lodged into vaginas, an innocent girl's obssesion with Johnny the Wad, candy flying out of Little Debbie's ass, a floridian hooker sucking off a sixteen year old dork....

Did I mention that there was candy all over the table and I ate all of them before I busted the thing in two?

Caught the end of Sax' gig where he was playing with a soulful accordion player that made clucking noises as he broke it down on his instrument.

I guess everyone feels more and more comfortable with exposing themselves including me.

Monday, April 17, 2006

oh shoot!:Move with me, I'll treat you right!

Hi!

80 YEAR OLD MAN AT HAPPY VALLEY: Give me yo numba, I'll have dinner (makes hand signal to signify us three girls)

Yummicoco: you cook?

80 YEAR OLD: No, I am AFriKan!

Thought last night's party was going to be like going to Motherfucker again (its been so long!), filled with half naked goth girls who resemble the Suicide chicks. Instead, it was a gay infused club scene with sprinkles of freaks like the old African that kept bothering me, Lex and White Windbreaker's childhood friend.

Sax: Damn, they've got Trannies for days tonight.

NOW I AM AT WORK

I have a crippling addiction to Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate. On two packets a day, sometimes I gagged on the super chocolate-y-ness, most of the time I shake at my desk from the heavenly rush.

Getting really comfortable not blogging which is not a good "habit of the heart" so I am throwing myself back into the fire.

Stupidest thing I said on Easter Sunday:

"You know coffee is different cuz its like a drink...tea is flavor infused water"

Is it lack of exercise that is preventing blood from circulating to my head? I've heard that sex makes girls stupid and that almonds are a type of smart food.

In other news, Molly Kitty Cat was rescued and perhaps the PR team for Bar and Books got their bonus for the all the heavy media outreach.

Sopranos and Big Love were awesome on Sunday. Why is Vito still alive? Tony's throne is crumbling! And in Big Love, when is Margene going to fuck her step step son?

Sax: "Incest is hot"

Sax' dad in LA: Well I'm glad that [father in Big Love] didn't show his ass again this week.

Spent Easter in Jersey. Went to my all time favorite restaurant Friday's. Left feeling so refreshed and fat. I love Friday's!

Went to Movida on Saturday.for exactly fifteen minutes. Said hello to my friends (that Sax calls the scumbags), danced to "Just Can't get Enough" and "Daft Punk is playing at my House', gave the birthday girl a gift that I swiped from the "free bin" at my job and bounced.

It was that easy.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I'll be a rock'n'rolling bitch for yooooouuuu!

Hi!!!