You caught me in a compromising position.

So, a couple of nights after WYSIWYG, Sax's friend Issac asked us if we had a nail file to borrow just as he was about to enter our bathroom. Sax asked why. Issac gave a crass response having to do with having crust semen stains on his pants. Then our neighbor knocked on our door asking to borrow our plunger. Gross! As soon as the neighbor returned with plunger, I told him that he could have it.

Neighbor: Well I wiped it off.

Yummicoco: Its ok. You can have it.

Saturday

Early morning found me in a compromising position when cousin called. Moments like that I am never sure if I should answer but I did....

Yummicoco: I'll call you back.

That night, met up with Aeki at Odessa. Met her nice friend who is a spitting image of Peter Brady.

Peter Brady: Not that this really means anything but I love getting to play with black people. I mean, the kind of music I grew up listening to was made by black people.

My white male ambassador, Sax, thought his fellow compatriot's comment funny, explaining that he was just excited.

Later, went to a Chinese New Year party at a luxury condo in Williamburg where I met a cool Swiss alto sax player that got hit on hardcore right in front of me. She tried calling attention to her boobs, She tried complimenting him, touching him, looking closely into his eyes. She was me almost a year ago.

Swiss guy: I know. I am not interested.

I told him about 'He's Just not that Into You" and how every girl my age has read it.

Swiss Guy: C'mon [Yummicoco] you don't really believe that.

No, because its not necessarily true. But his interaction with that girl was like a chapter of "He's not that into You"come to life.

I am rambling.

Anyway, at the luxury condo, standing in this Chinese guys beautifully IKEA'ed room, looking out his window- noticing a large sign for another luxury condo

Sax's Jazz Dork Friend: Since when Williamsburg's so expensive?

Fuck yeah! Major cities are becoming havens for the rich. Where will all the artists and publicists go?

That night, Sax and his Jazz Dork Friends were sharing idioms.

Sax: Beer before liquor...never sicker...

Jazz Dork: Nah, its beer after hard...

I am thinking... "hard?" Is he talking about penis?.... Men don't like women joking about vaginas but all these men keep talking about their junks.

Sax: naw he was talking about hard liquor.

Still rambling. I just can't stop.

Sunday

Walked up the street tonight to BAr 4 where Sax wants to play eventually. Saw yet another luxury condo then spotted a gorgeous hideaway home gated deep in between a brownstone and an old apartment building.

Sax: Fuck, dude that looks like something from LA.

Yummicoco: Yeah, that person [who lives there] must be an architect or something.

It was beautiful and too strange for brooklyn.

At 12noon mass, a women stood up to our suck ass priest who likes to bullshit on the pulpit rather than actually explain the word of the day. He likes to ask the crowd who's birthday it is and if there are any visitors. Then he mumbles somethings and then we get up to get communion.

Lady: This is hardly the time or place to ask us who's birthday it is... It is a time to talk about the litergy....

blah blah blah- don't remember everything that she said. She had balls... even though it was highly disrespectful.

Anyway, all these thoughts circling in my head about the upcoming election in Haiti (mu uncle was featured under 'five decades of turmoil') suck ass priests because no one wants to be a priest or a nun so churches have to take what they get (not necessarily true), getting priced out of New York City, maintaining friendships while being in a relationship, and my fat ass.

Life is hard and complicated- Its not just about parties and hookups. But you know that dear reader, you don't have to read that from me.

Oh, rented the Baxter. Such a bleeding heart hipster movie which made it slightly annoying but it still spoke to me.

Damn you Micheal Showalter!

Good night. I have a spin class early tomorrow morning.

before my boss catches me blogging.

I must be brief.

Worked my ass off yesterday, problem solving for the high maintence and dealing with youngish interns.

Hung up on my boss and gave the phone a middle finger.

Intern: I'm tellin you, I don't know how you do it. My hat goes off to you... its stressful.

Yeah!

Helped out with a cool fashion show at S.H. As the Japanese make-up artist put some silver on me, I knew that the client was going to pissed cuz she paid for that silver eyeshadow but didn't happen. Everything was cool.

High maintance clients, busy days, pitches and press requests.... Its Friday!!!!

I just made an intern correct a mistake and she looked a little pissed. hee hee hee.

My Pussy is Magic!

Last night after WYSIWYG, I discovered that men are uncomfortable with jokes/songs/whatever about powerful pussies. Sax is uncomforable with that brand of comedy as well...

Sax: I don't write songs about how great my dick is.

Anyway, so I must be quick because the intern next to me is kind of nosy. She pointed out my hickie to me this morning by asking me if I "have foundation because [my] neck is all red". She didn't know what it was and I wasn't about to tell her cuz I have my rep to protect as Internship Supervisor.

I have to buy a necklace before our event tonight or something.

Still job hunting. Still keeping it gangsta. Nothing more to report until next entry.

Sucka Free

My brother asked me to be a beneficary on his life insurance so that his kids can get some money if he dies. What??? That was one of my e-mails this morning. What's a beneficiary?

Sax Parents are leaving today. They are hippies. They have strong leftist options about everything and they love their digital camera. I can't always relate because I am a bohemian yuppy but I like them. I also like ginger Newman's Own cookies.

Sax show was good. His guitar friend Issac has a cool new Kangol thats so "Alix". Alix is my dad and he sports hats very elegantly.

I made some good eggplant last night.

I am wearing a heather grey henri bendels mock turtleneck that I inherited from Sister to cover a hickie.

I am getting into peel off masks.

Charlie the cat looks bored. I know that my boss will yell at me for something today.

Ok! back to work.

I think I know where he got it.

Hi!!!

So I am feeling better. Ready to say "Fuck, lets get this party going" even though I have never said anything like that before.

Anyway, heard that Steve Jobs has a cool book about his life and his rise to apple power. Once I return "Hot Shoes" to the library, that will be the next book to borrow. I let you know what I think of it soon.

This weekend:

Slept

Went to pulmonary specialist that made me breath into something to test my lung function. She was the cutest Chinese lady that yelled at me because I was not following directions. I never follow directions because I don't listen. Anyway, she said that I don't have asthma.

Ran to Jamba Juice thereafter to get a Protein Berry Shake with blueberry and banana and femme boost. Three slips then felt my lip swell and my finger itchy red so I threw the rest out and popped in a benedryl.

Had a awkward moment with my facialist yesterday. Went in just to buy her great products and stayed there for a while because she was talking my ear off about nothing. She looked very closely at my face which made me feel shy. Needless to say, I bought all the stuff that she pushed in my face during our convo.

Great music to bone to:

Magget Brain by Funkedelic

Good Night!

Shiny Shiny Shiny Boots of Leather

Getting ready to go to the lung doctor to check my lung function this Saturday morning. All the drugs from last week really fucked me up. Not too mention stress! Stress finding a job. Stress

THIS JUST IN...

Stella the cat just threw my iPod on the floor. She looked at me blankly as I picked it up. She hates iPods I guess.

Anyway, so as I was fighting back the tears on my way to my internist yesterday on the uptown 1 train, thinking about how much I hate my job- I realized that what I hated most was the climb not so much the job. I know that I am going to have to fight this year to get promoted, get more clients or find a higher position someone else. I was crying out of frustration- beat up from the floor up from the rat race. Its time for me to grow some bigger balls.

In other news, I need your advice, Dear Reader. Two weeks ago, a girl was fired from my job. Just yesterday, I was asked to get office keys back from her. She hates me. She most likely hates my boss's guts from being humilated and rejected. She probably never wants to step foot in our building or see any of us ever again. Think I'll ever get those office keys back? Let's see what happens.

I remember once advising someone to pee on the keys of an ex-boyfriend's then throw them in the East River.

But if I am asked to do something, I will do it. If a client or boss says "jump", I will say "how high". If a client's clothing, music or artwork sucks balls, I will promote it, wear it, listen to it, convince people that its the shit. Why? Because I am hungry and I want to get ahead. I got cats and a saxaphone player to feed.

I was supposed to hand this in weeks ago: Use this as a template

December 22, 2005


Boss
Boss's Company
New York, NY

Dear Boss,

Thank you for the opportunity to work at [boss's company]. I have greatly enjoyed my experience here. It is with a heavy heart that I must resign from my position as Slave and Middle Man Scum after six months of service and I wish to advise you that January 20, 2005 will be my last day of employment.

I would like to thank you for the experience of having worked for [boss's company]. I feel that I have grown so much as a person from working here and have developed into a confident and determined person that will never forget this truly outstanding organization.

Sincerely,

Yummicoco

There's a noisy kitty out there...her name is Stella!

TONIGHT AT ODESSSA

Sax's Mom: Wow, you look great!

Yummicoco: Thanks. Its the steriods!

Whoop that Trick: Urticaria! Thanks Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

It all started on Thursday. I did not feel like making dinner so I split a calzone with Sax. Then I had some strawberries and a couple of bites of ice cream. Then my fingertips started itching-then they began to swell. That was the start of my Friday 13th/MLK Jr Weekend in which I went to the emergency room not once but twice. I also watched Hustle and Flow which I found most entertaining between bouts of depression and swollen legs and hands.

They put me on some saline breathlizer, steriods and benedryl. I am still itchy but the hives have subsided for the most part.

Yesterday, the fire department came to my rescue before the ambulance came. One of the firefigher giggled as he perused my DVD collection. I know what made him laugh... the juxtaposition of the movies "Pardon Me, But Is that your Dick up my Ass?"in between "Jem and the Holograms:The Complete First and Second Seasons" and "Pretty in Pink". I would have laughed to but I was too busy fighting to breathe.

In other news, Flavor of Love is like some twisted Fox reality series, in which Flavor Flav actually seems like a smart man with discerning taste. He has been giving the opportunity by UH1 to siff through trash until he finds the lady of his dreams. He tests them with real challenges like dinner at Red Lobster (I would have lost), sticking old people teeth back into old people and playing with kids swimming in raw eggs. These bitches really cry over him too. But the ones that are really not feeling him- it shows- because I know why I don't feel Flavor so I know how grossed out they feel.

The character "New York" looks like Busta Rhymes with a greesed out hair weave- which probably explains why we the public have not seen him around in a while. It is Busta Bust himself. He is seeking some Flavor of Love action- I know it will be revealed in the next couple of weeks so look out people. It is going to get serious.

First rule of work: Don't talk about Work.

But can I say that as an assistant, I now have an assistant and I have to monitor others that are above me. I'm management, damnit! Which probably answers why I am itchy with hives, wearing a big home sweater trying get the cat off of my lap so that I can run outside and enjoy my Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr holiday.

Oh I never told you the joke about me being apartment interviewed by some Connecticut Morgan Stanley/JP Morgan types in the upper east side.

Alpha Male: Yeah we really get along here. I remember when we got so wasted on one of those weird holiday weekends when there was nothing to do but get drunk...

Connecticut Slut to Alpha Male: yeah it was like Martin Luther King weekend... we got so trashed...

Yummicoco (in her head but still smiling in the face of ignorance): Are they fucking with me? I knew I shouldn't have come up here.

Alpha Male: yeah Martin Luther King Weekend... Dude, I remember you passed out in the doorway. What an insane weekend.

Connecticut Slut: yeah its always like that on Martin Luther King weekend.... you just get really trashed then you sleep in on Monday.

Alpha Male: yeah, I don't remember a Martin Luther King weekend that I did not get trashed.

Connecticut Slut: yeah me too.What day does Martin Luther King day fall on again?

Alpha Male: it was like January or February... anyway, yeah Martin Luther King weekend... man...

Yummicoco: Well, I have to go now. Thanks.

Alpha Male: Oh, ok. Well we'll let you know our decision by the end of the week.

I did not hear back from them. Either because there was no chemistry or because they did not feel comfortable living with a black girl. And now I live in Brooklyn.

HAVE A HAPPY MONDAY!

Hot Shoes!!!

Hey!

I am lame and you no longer read my blog.

I am drinking ginger tea, procrastinating (sp?) trying to cover my tracks for a work related assignment. I can't say anymore about that. But lets just say shady.... shady!

Been interviewing, making small moves that have not brought me far enough to leave this place. I have it pretty good here and I am on the right path but still I feel like I want something else.

Sax: you should just write and be my road manager.

I could be Sharon Osborne!

Anyway, went to the Brooklyn Public Library on Saturday with Sax. Took out "Hot Shoes". Sang "Hot Shoes. What pretty feet! Hot Shoes. Can't be beat" . I made it up myself.

Then we bought delicious Jamacian patties at Christie's on Flatbush.

Then we went to Rivington Guitars.

Then we went to Sugar Sweet Sunshine.

Then Sax bought me a two dollar bracelet in Chinatown and I suddenly remembered my cousin's

wait Boss is here.

ALERT!!! Boss is cracking down. I was called in to office to find out that someone was being "let go". Fuck! Pray for me dear reader. Times are getting rough.

I feel like Shit. I want to go home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.