I didn't know how drunk I was until I put the sax in my mouth

Went to C-Note last night to see Sax play with a husband and wife singing group reminiscent of eugene levy and catherine o'hara in a Mighty Wind. Anyway, they are hippies who are undercover yuppies, singing protest songs, nature songs and songs about wanting to be a lesbian....

Wifey:"I don't mean to be callous...
To my women loving women friends...
But I need his big fallous..."

Turns out the wife is a member of the Park Slope Food Coop like me but she lives by south street seaport like people who have money. She reminds me of Ruth Six Feet Under with long bland hair and zero makeup. She's a corporate lawyer. Her Polynasian husband was well dressed in diesel jeans, tasteful hair cut and suede loafers. They treated us to Esperanto on Avenue C across from Lex's pad. Really sweet and generous of them. Wine! Tapas! Entrees! Dessert! Cognac! I ordered steak (medium) chimchurri sauce served with yucca fries. I saved half for lunch on account of poverty. Sax (because he thinks like a poor man and he did not want to seem rude) only ordered empanadas but he ate all of my yucca fries.

Wifey: So is this the first time that either of you have lived with a lover...

We felt gay cuz that was a gay question.

I told them how we met. How he made out with my roommate and called me two weeks later...

Then, Sax played his sax with the house band at Esperanto. Everyone dug him. I dug him.

Wifey: Look! Everyone digs him.

The house band invited him to play next Tuesday.

Plan B?

Went to Plan B with Lex and friends Saturday night. Being in a relationship (a great one!), I have forgotten how to approach dudes. It was insecurity/high school/single life all over again. There we were circle dancing and I was looking around, waiting for a man to pull me over to him.

Then I saw my dream man. Olive complexion, tight novelty tee, 6 feet tall, slim, no man breasts, short hair. He took my hand and I embraced him. Then his lips grazed my neck. I thought... are we gonna make out? do I wanna make out with my dream man?

I smile asking him "what does your shirt say?" Dream man doesn't respond. He is pulling away. So I move closer...

Then he pulls away... I'm thinking "is he just trying to give me a hug? is he drunk? is he grossed out by me? don't go away!!!"

He leaves me, gets lost in the crowd. I feel dissed and insecure. its like I never had a boyfriend. There I was dejected and rejected like I had felt so many times before.

Hi!

Saw a movie this weekend. This is my interpretation of what I saw inspired by Bob Saget, the dad from Full House:

"Pitched an idea of an act to an agent over the weekend about a loving family from Englewood, New Jersey. There's a mother, father, brother bobby and his twin sister Sally. The scene begins in the family salerium (sp?) . Dad and son Bobby are jacking each other off as Sally keeps time with her stop watch. The mother laughs at the spectacle as she takes a shit on Skippy the dog. Then she digs out the remaining shit with her index finger and used it to poke her daughter Sally's right eye out as she sings "the age of Aqurius". The act is finished. They they turn to the audience and bow."

Agent says:

"My God! What a great idea for an act, we kind of have something like that though.... What are they called?"

The Aristocrats!

Wanna put some pants on?

I just laid into the AC man for charging us for service on a new AC. I am still reeling from yelling at him. I was so emotional. I think it was because I watched Six Feet Under last night. My eyes are still swollen from all the crying.

That montage fucked me up. Ruth on her deathbed seeing Nate and Nathaniel, Keith shot dead, Claire with her eyes glazed over- She married the straight laced guy. Billy talking about nothing to Brenda as her body shook to death. When I read Poop's blog, I did not think that the episode was going to get me like it did.

ccstar: So funny that you were messed up about it. I was messed up for two days. My aunt (on her mom's side) was messed up about it too.

I watched with Sax who did not cry.

Sax: cuz I am a man.

So anyway, Lex left me a message that a friend of ours stepped to a prominent writer and got his number. Big Balls!


I have work to do.

I wanna crap!

So much to say but so much photocopying that I must do...

Went to DC with Sax for my cousin David's wedding. Beautiful wedding. So much fun/ so surreal going to weddings of people who are close in age to me. Weird that my friends are getting married, having babies, buying houses, passing lawyer bars and doctor boards.

Riding in my uncle's car Saturday morning in Maryland, my cousin started lightly freaking out...

Yummicoco: This is going be so much fun! The wedding will be so great. You are starting medical school next week. L is a great woman. You are getting married... moving in together... Everything will fall into place

I really believed what I said... I am a Pollyanna that way and "really innocent at heart" as Sax said after I could not guess "DILDO" playing Hangman on the Chinatown bus ride to Washington.

Then David got his suit from Men's Warehouse at Downtown Silver Spring (awesomest mall ever cuz they have Chick-fil-A!) while I got a chicken biscuit. Got back into the car, Haitian music blasting, Sax tapping to the music on my leg because he can not just listen to music without reacting to it.

David: I wanna crap!

Had the day off on Monday. Saw 40 year old Virgin. Too fucking long but any movie that ends in song always wins my heart. Steve Carell is a little bit of a hottie too.


Went to a restaurant tasting yesterday. Got pissed drunk off delicious Bloody Mangos. So drunk that I actually liked how Sax was dancing and I tried to introduce my boss to Dave while he was pissing in the restaurant shower. Long story.

Ate pizza and Grey's Papaya afterwards and went home.

Nichelle sent me this pic as a thank you.

Well, Thank you!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/nichellenewsletter/36510017

Magenta calling!

So as Day 1 kicks my ass, I sit here at work slowly dying cuz I already ate my peanut butter sandwich and I am too broke to buy something else at Whole Foods around the corner.

Watched the second to last episode of Six Feet Under last night. Really bummed that its ending but good riddens! The show sucks balls now. David needs some anti-psychotics, Claire needs a slap in the face and Brenda needs to de-carb. Ruth is less annoying now that she wants to raise Baby Maya but the fact that she wants George back makes her look like a selfish asshole that can't make up her mind. I was trying to absorb as much of the last bits of Six Feet as I could but I was distracted...

Yummicoco: Stop!

Sax: What?!!! Just let me touch your pussy!

BIG GAY AL BIRTHDAY AND BROWN PEOPLE

Earlier that night at Big Gay Al's (BGA) cutest birthday dinner at Cowgirl Hall of Fame, I loaded BGA up with really nice gifts that I acquired from other gift bags. I also ran to my client's store on my way over for some good chocolate to add to her bag. It was the thought that counted of course! Thanks Lex for mouthing to me "Is that from the Bust party?" as BGA showed everyone her gift of the erotica book "Bad Girl".

As we exited Cowgirl to head across to Employees Only, I chatted with a brown boy that brought another brown boy to the party.

Brown BOy: Well people used to ask if we were brothers.

Yummicoco: Yeah you really DO look alike...

Brown BOy: Oh, because we're brown?

UM, WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? I AM NOT SOME WHITE GIRL...

Yummicoco: Um, no. Same eyes, I guess. Anyway, I am brown too.

Brown BOy: Yeah, what kind of brown are you?

Yummicoco: Haitian

Brown BOy: Oh, I was going to say Dominican

I SHOULD HAVE SAID "Oh because I am light skinned?" BECAUSE THAT IS THE STEREOTYPE...

Yummicoco: Oh we don't like Dominicans....

Anyway, back to work! Pointless banter since I don't feel like putting proper closure to this entry.

UPDATE!

Forgot to mention that this morning a Mexican building manager a few doors down from my office was checking me out as I walked past him, coffee in my hand, back to the office.

"Big Booty!" he yelled by the time I was 200 yards away.

Do I give a shit?

My boss has been out all week which is great cuz I can blog. He's cool though and the days have been boring without him. As l lay in bed this morning exhausted and envious that my boyfriend gets to stay in bed cuz he doesn't have a real job, the same thought pops into my head.

What if I just quit and stay in bed?

Sax: You should get up you're going to be late.

I am always late.

A co-worker told me about some dude that said "fuck it" to his Wall Street job and became a personal trainer. My sister left her career as a fashion buyer to become an actor. Sax never had a real job in his life because he wants to be a full time musician.

I hate working. I hate picking out work clothes for the day. I hate sitting on the train, obessively checking the time on my cell, worrying about what I am going to do wrong that day. I hate office conversation.

I love napping on the train and waking up just in time to exit my stop. I love my paycheck. I love shopping.

Give my regards to the lime glazed cornmeal cookie

My sister is here from LA. She told me about a weird moment with an ex who worked closely with my uncle. They were best friends and were exiled together.

Sister: So we were having phone sex [the night before he was exiled]. I asked him to tell me his deepest darkest fantasies...

The ex starts to divulge some naughties, then his tone changes. He starts crying

Ex: it hurts! it hurts! its hurts

My sister is freaking.

Sister: What? What's going on? What's hurting you?

Ex: Its (my uncle) his putting his dick up my ass! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!

Basically, her ex wanted my uncle to fuck him and he told my sister that while they were supposed to have phone sex the night before he was thrown out of his country for shit that he did with my uncle.

THE END


In other news: Which work best:

Durex Ultra(?) Sensitive- the actual rubber is red
Trojan's Very Sensitive- the box is purple

And the most beloved one of them all...

Lifestyles Non-Lubricated- the small square packet is maroon.

Other than work, this takes up most of my thoughts and energy. Trojan ENZ sucks while anything with Nononxyl (sp?) 9 gives me the itchies. Durex condoms are too tight for him. Tragically, Lifestyles is discontinuing the non-lubricated I guess because not a lot of people like it dry.

So I continue my search! Onward!

Shit... Piss... Bugger... and Balls!

Forgive me, Dear Reader, it has been exactly one month since my last entry.

Also, to my friends please forgive
-my rudeness
-my lateness
-my utter lack of disregard

My cats and I moved in with Sax into a two bedroom on 5th avenue in Park Slope. I'm happy. Its only been a month anyway...

Surprised him last week by taking him to see DEVO for his 23rd birthday.

Sax: You mean we are not going to see your mother?
Colette: No.
Sax: Fuck yeah

Then went to PEEP WORLD near Penn Station because I had never been to a place like that before. There I was standing in a booth, cluching bobby sax wearing a red/orange authentic DEVO flower pot hat that we just bought at the concert, watching some hot latina double finger her fellow hot latina.

One minute later the show was over.