Lloyd got on my fucking nerves so I dumped his ass: The Diane Court Story

So Av just inspired me to think about what happened to Diane Court and Lloyd Dobbler in London? Did they stay together? What if Lloyd, unable to find work in London, turned to underground kickboxing and started to become jealous of Diane's relationship with her classmates and professors? And did Lloyd's sister have to sell the Malibu in order to help support herself and her son since Lloyd was no longer around to help out with the rent. "I am not T.I.M " Lloyd once said...

"Dissed in the malibu" was my favorite line. I have no life.

Here's Diane testimonal. A year later.

1989 ON SET OF THE MUSIC VIDEO HIGHER GROUND by RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

So it was after the no smoking ding went off that I first thought to myself ... What the fuck am I doing with this guy? I mean he was sweet 'n all, not afraid to be vulnerable... he'd go down on me no problem. It was like, we bearly knew each other and it was really stupid of me to invite him to London. I think it was just too much too soon. I mean let's face it: I was 18, he was like the second guy that I have ever slept with so of course I thought that he was the one, and I was so fucking angry with my dad for lying to me my whole life... I had to get rid of him. I dumped him like a month after we moved into the dorms.

I mean, like, we got to the dorms and already he was like, "so, what do you want to do? you wanna get somthing to eat? " WHAT'S WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS? I don't know. I'm tired, I told him. An hour into living together and I felt crowded.

Sure, he taught me how to drive stick shift. I mean, like, he made me feel special n' shit like when he cleared that patch of glass out of my path in front of the QUIK-Y-MART. But in London, it was like, I would come home late, ass tired, hours of studying ahead of me, and he would just be lying there on my bed. My dorm room smelled like feet thanks to him. LLoyd couldn't even like find work right away so he spent the day watching MY TV in MY DORM ROOM. I was so sick of it.

Then, he told me that he met some asshole on the tube that knew of some kickboxing games going on around the city. I could care less. But when he started waking up early in the morning to kick his punching bag, INCOVENIENCING ME, I told him to fucking practice someplace else. That's when we started spending more time apart...

I went to this awesome rave in some forest outside Warsaw a couple of weeks into classes. Lloyd was broke so he stayed back at the dorms. I did so much acid that weekend, I fucking thought I had glucoma n' shit. Anyway, I met Anthony Kiedis from the Chili Peppers there. I had just bought Mother's Milk and I thought Anthony was like so fucking hot. He was so friendly, chiling at the rave in between travels. He didn't even want me to blow him or anything, just talk. Anyway, we stayed in touch. Anthony was like "yo, you betta dump that sucka for real. You too hot for him" I was like, yeah you are so right on.

Anyway, I came back home and started giving Lloyd the silent treatment hoping that he would take a hint and leave. "Is everything cool between us?" he asked. "I thought that you were gonna watch me fight [his first international match] but when you didn't show up I got worried..." WHAT A FUCKING PUSSY! GET A LIFE! Finally, he asked me if I was seeing someone from class...

Diane: Why are you accusin me n' shit. Why don't you mind your own fucking business? Yr not my father.

Lloyd: Thank God for that.

Diane: Fuck you. I'm out, bitch.

So I went downstairs to security and had them escort him out of the building. I threw his fucking clothes out the window and I bashed his fucking boom box with my curtain rod. I made that bitch cry.

I am a big fat cow

I am wating for my period to come and I can't stop eating the world. I ate a whole pint of Fossil Fuel by Ben and Jerry's last night while watching Donnie Brasco. Al Pacino's best performance ever, I think.

Got Bloc Party but wanted Louis XV1(I love the album cover of the naked girl. its cool.).
Not classic like Turn on the Bright Lights, Interpol. A couple of the songs are too manufactured sounding a la Killers which I find disheartening.

Went to mass for both Good Friday and Easter. Did not spend any of the holiday with family.

Interviewed with a PR firm this morning. My stockings damp from the rain. I had frizzies! I'd miss my current job if I worked there even though its more money so I'm still looking.

My boyfriend comes back from LA this week. He lent me Post Office by Charles Bukowski. Henry Chinaski is a cross between film noir and a comic book like Billy Bob Thorton.

Chinaski: All right. Keep your pussy. Its not all that great.

Makes me like my boyfriend even more.

If you get there, you better kiss me.

New cds that I bought this week from Virgin Union Sq:

Kasabian (its ok)
Brazilian Girls (its just ok)
The Pretenders- Learning to Crawl (ok, why did I buy this and not her best of...)

Thanks Knuckles Molonley for the burnt copy of Morrissey's You are the Quarry. There are some moments when I wanna say "shut the fuck up, Morrissey" but then there are other moments when I want to be one of the many that run to hug him while he is waxing loneliness on stage. I wonder if that's a form of pseudo masterbation like how award ceremonies are like that...

Anyway, also scored a copy of the Go! Team from this other guy at work who looks more Willie Wonka than a dude that would like hip- hopish dance music. Go! Team is just too much noise coming out from every direction, its distracting.

I think that I am going to run outside to buy a cookie. Peanut Butter.

Why are good guys so boring? Why am I so boring?

UPDATE: bought three cookies. they were good.

Greatest teen films of all time: (not a final list but its a start)

-Bring it On
-Drive me Crazy
-Valley Girl
-Pretty in Pink
-House Party
-Heathers (thanks Brazilian Muse!)
-Some Kind of Wonderful

Aeki Tuesday. com has great taste. Check her out.

Listen to fiona. Thanks Aeki for the link. Sadly, I am having trouble listening to it on my comp. Maybe you'll have better luck than me.

http://www.geekdreams.com/mp3/fiona_apple


neil pollack has a new bad sex story on nerve. its ok. about wanting to screw in a steam room.

http://www.nerve.com/regulars/pollack/badsex/010


R.I.P Bobby Short. He seemed like such a swelligant guy...

See, I'm not a whore but I lack passion

Before my boyfriend left for Los Angeles, he played the flute for me in his whisper room. My hand under his shirt, palm resting on his chest, I thought to myself "wow, he has interests. what are my interests?" He can play instruments and I have absolutely no skills. We said our goodbyes by the L train entrance. Got home. Looked at my face in the bathroom mirror...

Colette: Fuck, why is my nose so red?!

That was Thursday afternoon. At first, I thought that the redness was as a result of Sax's beard scatching against my face as we made out; but as the day wore on, the shit got more red and more gross... Hung out with Lex and crew at FIXED. They all have great things going on for them now and I am so excited for them blah blah blah no pity coco.

My cousin suggested benedryl for my face when she came to visit me friday night. I showed her a picture of Sax and she did not respond with "ump..." which sounds like a grunt but its not. Its the Haitian expression of judgement. She thought that he was cute which made me happy even though it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks! Whatever.

Anyway, for the days that followed my shoulders and neck began to sprout red blisters. Then by Saturday, I found another one on my stomach. "I hope its not a skin eruption." my father said as I lay sobbing in bed saturday morning.

Was it leprosy? Shingles? No clue. So I ran home to Englewood to see my mom's Internist.

Listening to SUPERUNKNOWN by Soundgarden in my old bedroom brought me back to a time when I actually had passion about something! When I was once excited about art and music! I loved film up until recently... I work at a film company now. Anyway, I was 14 when the album dropped and I waited until I was on a school trip in Europe to buy it because the import had the song "She likes Surprises" on the LP. "Limo Wreck" played as my dad rushed into my room to tell me that my mom's doctor was ready to see me at Englewood Hospital.

The whole experience was really awkward. Perhaps it was wrong of me to let a family friend look me over. "New partner?" she asked after I told her that I was sexually active. Then the 50+ year old doctor actually giggled when she asked me if I "checked my genitals" for spots. Highly unprofessional, Dear Reader. A good doctor never judges.

Colette: yes and there was nothing there.

So she prescribed an anti-viral. As my father and I sat in the car, waiting for my presciption to be filled, he started up with how in all of his years as a doctor, he never once prescribed an anti-viral for a virus. "Its self- limited. You should wait a couple of days before taking that medication." I sat quietly... then he decided to change the subject...

Dad: So your friend [my baddest bitch] is in medical school? You never wanted to study anything... accounting, medicine, law...

Colette: Dad, I am really upset right now. I really don't want to talk about this... the future. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Dad: ump.

KKEGEL thought it was a some kind of Herpes simplex (fever blister) flair up from stress. I had a fever blister on lip last week that had trouble healing on account of me making out with my boyfriend. My Baddest Bitch looked up my aliment online Saturday night...

My Baddest Bitch: possible triggers may include stress, food allergy and rigorous sex.

Colette: really?

MBB: yeah, that's what you get for having sex all night long.

Colette: wow, you'll make a great doctor. you don't judge anyone...

So that was it. Now, I am back at work. Skin is less red now but I am going to have it tested so as to rule out diabetes or something.

AlexisT.com is back so read it, please.

Still off from work. Watched Dawson's creek this morning. My cousin's boyfriend calls it Dawson's Krek ("Krek" meaning clit in haitian creole) because he thinks that the show sucks. Pacey was so hot in the season 3 episodes. That's when he and Joey finally got together.

Went to a cool party for literally 20 minutes. Missed Brazilian Muse! Ate great pizza and cannoli at Angelo's on 18th st with Aeki Tuesday, Lex, BGA and Ryan Brown, who is a very snappy dresser.

Ryan Brown: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

Amen.

Disco fries aka Brooklyn fries at the Purity Diner are Awesome!

Ok. So I had this discussion late one night with Lex and her americorps friend Pete:

HOW DO YOU GIVE SOMEONE THE BRUSH OFF?

Just got this e-mail from KKEGEL:

yeah it's from a song by clinton, side project of cornershop. anyway i
was blasting the song when i get a call on my cell from a 212 number. i think:
it's h! and answer.

NO.
NO.
NO.
it's you know who. i talk. i'm FRIENDLY. we talk about imminent trips
to
india. his family. CULTURE. (he says it's better to be from one place.)
the
how've-you-been. updates at work. nonsense. all in 2.5 minutes. i say
i'm in
the middle of stuff, i have to go, that 'talk to you later.' SHITE.

SHITE!
what do i do?
i saved the # so i can ignore it later.

SHITE!!!!!
i am such crap. such crap. caught unawares. at work. my face is going
to be
red for a week now.

aw, purity!! i <3 that place. though disco fries = gravy, right?
chicken
stock.


So what should KKEGEL or anyone else in this situation do?

MY ADVICE?

Just say: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. GOOD BYE.

To be cordial just leaves the door open to future communication. You have to tell them to fuck off with kindness.

But Yummicoco, isn't that MEAN?

NO!

After I gave some dude the best 20 minutes of his life. He told me "take care of yourself". I knew it was over! "You too", I responded. And, you know what, I met someone way better that actually LIKES me as a person and not just my ass.

But Yummicoco, have YOU ever done that?

Just yesterday I sent a kind but vaguely cold message to this girl that I no longer want to be friends with... why? Cuz she creeps me out so I wrote "hope all is well..."

When Sam called last week, I did not return the call. Thankfully, he never called back.

After sleepover with Lex and friend Pete, on our way to my job's Oscar party, the song "No one else" by weezer blarred on the car stereo...

WEEZER: I want a girl who will laugh for no one else....makeup on the shelf...so if you see her tell her its over now.

Basically, bitch got the brush off. Rivers was kind of fucked up in this instance because it wasn't like a first date... and he did not tell her this to her face which is shitty but fact remains that he did not want to see her again.

REMEMBER:
In dating, one does not have to be polite.

Oh, and if any of you bitches are looking to drop me then Fuck You!

Take care of yourselves.

Good weekend.

I have the next two days off, bitches.

Titanic is being destroyed underwater

Dear reader, I am lame. I have to run to Duane Reade to remedy an accident. Happy Monday.

Saw the Basquiat exhibit with Jenny Aeki Tuesday. It was great. In the reading room, on free drawing paper, Jenny and I created a Basquiat inspired design that we eventually took pictures of upon completion. "We are such geeks" said Jenny.

Yup.

Met up with KKEGEL to see Masculin/Feminine (Jean-Luc Goddard) at the Village East. Made it a double feature by staying in the theatre to watch Vera Drake (Mike Leigh----GO RENT SECRETS AND LIES!). Then we ate pierogies at Veselka on second ave. Good chocolate milkshake.

Hot Ukrainian bus boy: Veselka? It mean... (makes an oval shape with his hands) eh ah...raaainbooo.

KKEGEL: ok, I'm going to go blush some more now.

Lex has on blue eye shadow today

She text'ed me this morning from JFK on her way to Vegas. I need a vacation.

I am going to see Diary of a Mad Black Woman with my white saxaphone player. He's really sweet and weird. This is the fourth time that we are hanging out together this week. He knows all about yummicoco but knows nothing about my blog.

The other morning, while he was drying himself in my bathtub, he knelt down to put his hands in the water as it was draining then proceeded to rub some of it on his neck.

Colette: that's bathwater (gross)

Sax: yeah, I still had some soap on my neck

He's 22 from Los Angeles; he lives in Williamsburg. He says what he means and I don't seem to mind the fact that he has no money and that he owns he-man underware.

Happy Friday

oh yeah, if you are in the city go see the BASQUIAT exhibit at the Brooklyn Musuem. Did I spell museum correctly? Anyway, show's running until June 5. I'll see it 10x if you want me to. Just ask.

"Take your sheets and go home"

My mother said to me when I asked if I could take a new "bed in a bag" set that my parents had stashed away in my brother's room back with me to the Slope. It would have looked perfect in my bright yellow room.

Mother: Do you have a guest tonight?

Colette: no! (was she thinking male guest?)

Reading Intimacy by Hanif Kureshi. Its great. So great that I left it at home on my way into work. The story is set the night before a man is planning to leave his wife and children. Told my father about it Saturday afternoon. He's a philosopher so I quoted Foucault to impress him on our way over to Shop Rite.

Colette: The soul is the prison of the body.

Dad: ah ha of course yes but I think that its the other way around...

No, Dad, because the soul is so overwhelming, more powerful than the body. Loaded with desires, wants and needs, we become enslaved by it. Our bodies can only do so much but our soul requires more. Fuck, what's my point?

So I hung out with Sam the teacher on Friday. Saw not-so romantic Gunner Palace (GP) at the Angelika Movie Theatre. GP is a docu about US troops in Iraq. I chose the movie because I thought that he would like it. I thought that it was the decent thing to do since he was paying and all. He is patiently waiting to pounce, I wrote to KKEGEL this morning. So the longer he waits, the more free movies and meals that I accrue.

Sam is a self- proclaimed pragmatist and believes in the system. I have no idea what he sees in me.

I was with Sax last night. I named his tenor sax Bobby Sax and we smoked lemon flavored tobacco out of his hooka while watching Sun Ra's Space is the Place.

Pimp from the movie: Even if that bitch had a soul, how's music ever gonna touch it?

Cds that Sax burned for me:

-Are we not men? We are Devo
-Os Mutantes (its 60s Caetano,BMuse)
-Stevie Wonder (the album with Golden Lady)
-Frances the Mute, Mars Volta

The Rebel Ovary

Colette: Do they look like golf balls?

Girl: Nah, more like tiny legs. they're actually really cute. I was like "wow, y'r so cute!"

Colette: So it's painless then?

Girl: Yeah. Not to be so gross... it basically looks like a dildo but it only goes like an inch inside then a tiny camera shoots out of it like an alien or something.

Saw HURLY BURLY last night with my cousin. Thanks Flora for the hook-up. She is on her cycle too. Day 4.

Cousin: Wait. What?

Colette: I know. I don't understand

Too much of everything going on all at once. Drugs, misogyny, Ethan Hawke's flat ass crack, Josh Hamiliton looking priceless in his leopard bikini underware and red silk robe-- and all the shouting and man tears! The elements were there, they all just made a mess of it.

Pickle e-mailed me that our friend Vanessa, who is the Rose Nieland Golden Girl of our group (I think I am Dorothy) is going to go out on a date with a dude named TITO JACKSON that she met aptly enough off blackpeoplemeet.com. In Pickle's e-mail, she wrote blackpeopleMEAT.com so she obviously must be on her cycle too.